10 Inevitable things that will happen to you on a ski season

As devised by myself and my lovely housemate Jillian whilst we were very hungover and in bed. We’ve been working in the Italian Alps for two months now, in which I have learned that salopettes are perfect for après ski, as they are wipe clean, and that I have the strength in me to clean over 700 toilets. Who knew? I have also learnt that, as a seasonnaire:

1. You will at some point go partying in your salopettes and goggles. The above will happen.

2. You will hook up with a fellow seasonnaire in your first month, whether or not you have a boyfriend or girlfriend at home. There are no exceptions to this rule.

3. You will do many a morning shift hungover – much harder is attempting one still drunk and successfully fooling your superiors into thinking you are capable of serving breakfast without being sick.

4. You’ll be sick or have sex in a cable car. Manage both at once and you are the stuff ski legends are made of.

5. The ratio of ski time to drink time you’ll enjoy will be roughly 30% / 70%.

6. You’ll lose any sense of sartorial know-how you ever posessed, and wear flipflops in the snow and pyjamas to the shops and think you look cool.

7. You’ll feel massively superior to anyone in the resort who isn’t a seasonnaire, and resent the pesky presence of clients getting in the way of your fun, asking you questions and generally daring to think that they pay your wages and therefore deserve some attention.

8. You’ll get snow-based cabin fever and long for the day you see grass, dirt and concrete.

9. Payday will finally arrive, and after a month of scrimping and borrowing you will spend the entire whack in a day on a new snowboard/pair of boots/sexy goggles.

10. You will cry with exhaustion whilst cleaning a toilet or washing dishes. It won’t matter, though, because those toilets are the price you pay to do this: